These Small Hours

It has been a while.

2011-07-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I blogged. Of course, there are multiple reasons why I haven't....

Let me bring you up to speed...

I went back to work in 2009 and when the girls dad and I divorced. I started a new life as a single working mom, homeowner, etc... Things have been incredibly hard for all of us to say the least. The girls Dad remarried over a year ago and they have a new little baby sister, plus two step sisters. They all go to the same school. Noelle and her step-sister are even in the same class. We, as divorced parents, have more contact than most due to the fact that we are both active parts of the girls daily lives. This, at times, can be great or horrible, depending on the day. We do it this way because it is the best thing to do for the girls. It's hard on the adults, but it is a good situation for the kids. The girls, have adjusted, very well. For the most part... this has become normal, as odd as it is.

I have been dating and now am about to marry a great man who has two twin boys. We are about to start our own "blended family" experience. Again, everyone loves each other and the girls are ready for their future step-dad to be a part of their daily lives too. We are all trying our best to do the best, in the best way possible, in spite of the difficulty of the situation.

Life continues to change. That is the only consistent part about any of this. And so, now you know.

For Noelle and Jolie

2010-04-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

For Noelle and Jolie Bear

Hold On -

I clutch your hand
And you are unsure.
You want to hold on,
You want to let go.

I clutch your hand
And I am unsure.
If I let you go
Will you need my hand
To guide you again?

If I let you go-
Will you try?
Will you fly?
I see your eyes
they are curious,
but I know this world
So, I am unsure.

What if I let you go
And you didn't look back.
Your confidence would be my victory
And my defeat.
Could I let go of your hand?
I am unsure.

So for now
Until we are both brave
We can just hold on.

Don't grow up too fast little ones. Mommy loves you. 4-27-10

A Little Piece of Her Heart...

2009-07-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

After Noelle got in trouble for being mean to her sister and not being considerate to her… I saw her being really kind to Jolie. So I said to them…”Are ya’ll being kind to each other and being loving?”

Noelle “Yes, mom….we are.”
Me, “Oh that makes me so happy….”
Jolie hugs herself and throws it at me. I catch it and hug myself.

Then Noelle says, “Mommy do you know what I like? I like it when you help me to know what Jolie wants… that makes ME happy. Do you know what I am going to give you? I am going to take out a little piece of my heart… and roll it up.. and make it big, and throw it to you… because I love you.”

Me- “Well then, I am going to catch it and put it in my heart and keep it forever.”

Then in a serious matter of fact way she said…
“Well, mom, actually, don’t forget to give it back to me when you are done, because it is a little piece of my heart and I am going to need it back. But you can keep it as long as you need it.”

Jolie and "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe"

2009-06-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

Jolie and Noelle have both fallen in love with The Chronicles of Narnia. I often write about the conversations we have, these two silly girls and me, but I was lucky enough to have my phone near and recorded Jolie as she told me the story of Aslan. She is a cutie, and loves the camera. Earlier today she made me look at the pink sunset with her, and I told her how creative and nice God was to make such a beautiful sunset for us to look at, and she said, "Yah, I like God. I like Him a lot." I am glad that she is picking up on simple truth.

More Girly Quotes!!!

2009-05-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

Noelle - "Mom can I look at your belly again??? I wish I was small enough to get back inside there... Mom, do they have vegetables in there in your belly???"

Noelle - "Is Daddy going fishing in the woods....? (ME) "No Noelle, you don't fish in the woods..." Oh! That's right Mom, you hunt for turkey's in the woods.... I am really going to have to get me some pink hunting clothes. And I need a pink gun, with brown polka dots, and then I can shoot those turkey's too. And I would, I would shoot them."

Jolie - "Can you open this movie so Noelle can get inside of it?"

My favorite, this is the best idea ever... (Me)as we are trying to get Noelle, who is unwilling to leave my sister's house, to get into the car... "Noelle, lets go, we have to go home. We have things to do and Aunt Carissa has things to do too." Noelle - "MOM! I have a great idea, Why don't we have Aunt Carissa, and Nana and Patrick come over to our house and then let's have a THINGS TO DO PARTY! We can all do things together!!!!"

Jolie - "You'll see Chester again one day when Jesus comes back Mom, don't be sad..." (I have not discussed the theological implications of animals returning to the earth like Christians are supposed to yet.... I think I will eave it alone for now, it's just too cute.)

Noelle - "DO NOT say stomach! DO NOT EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!!!" She just hates the word so bad, we only say Tummy. No, I have no idea why.

Dear Anna and Katie...

2009-05-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just have to stop whatever I am doing, and write down some of the things that my silly girls say. Just a moment ago I was in the kitchen making Noelle, yet another Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich. Jolie, who had previously declared that she absolutley did not want a PBJ sat down and asked for her sandwich. She said, "I want one, jus like Noweelll." Of course. So I prodded her. There is a sweet and scary life lesson here. Here is how the conversation went.
"Jolie, do you want everything that Noelle wants...?"
"Yes, Mom" said Jolie bear.
"Jolie do you want to be just like Noelle?" "Yes, Mom, I love her." said sweet Jolie bear.
Noelle was sitting at the table with her. I knew she was listening, usually she is just talking in her head if she is chewing... but I could tell she was paying attention...
"Noelle, was does it mean for Jolie to be just like you?"
Noelle quickly replied, "It means you want to be someone you are not" (Which, I think she means that you admire them)
"So, who do you want to be like Noelle?"
Noelle did not skip a beat... "Anna Fires"
Anna, is a teenager at our church who has loved Noelle since the first day she met her. She has the same kind of sparkle in her personality that Noelle does. She is a giving, happy, outgoing, fun girl. She is also very generous and compassionate. I have always thought of how sweet our church is, and the group of teens and tween girls at our church are phenomenal. They all serve and give, especially to the younger kids. It is the true bud of Titus 2 ministry. That is another blog.
So as soon as Noelle said this about Anna, Jolie immediately said, "I love Katie, Mom. I want to be like Katie."
Now Katie is Anna's best friend and has been a faithful loving friend to my girls. She gets that from her mom. Katie is a quiet leader who has wisdom and patience in her eyes. She is one of those people who is always there, always helps, and seems happy to serve. I would love for my daughters to grow up and be like these girls. I am so glad that they have picked them as their examples. I think it is amazing that a five year old and a three year old could have role models, but they clearly do. We have been having conversations in our home about Katie and Anna (and Ali) for years. When Noelle was two she used to put her ponytail holders on her ankles to be like Katie, because Katie wore an ankle bracelet. Katie also wears small braids in her hair, and of course my girls do too. The list goes on and on. I have always thought it was sweet and such a blessing, but then it is a little scary. Here is the rest of the conversattion.

Noelle, "Mommy, your girls are in love." "
Really Noelle?, What does that mean, to be in love?"
Noelle, "It means you want to be just like them. It means you want to do what they do"

How scary for me as a parent. My children have role models outside of me and Chad, and their family. My kids look up to these girls. How powerful a role these girls have in my daughters lives. My children are growing up faster than I can keep up with. Soon, peers will be just as important in shaping their views as we are. Soon we will be crowded out by the world. My girls love these two girls. They don't know it but they admire these girls because they are girls who love Jesus. They are girls whose parents have taught them truth and the gospel. I hope that as I teach my girls about the Lord, that they will be drawn to other people like these two girls. I know the truth, the world and its temptations are sometimes so loud Christ may seem like a faint whisper against the clanging of the cymbals of the world... I pray that my girls will hear the whisper of Christ and seek Him out. In light of this conversation I am writing a little note to these two role models. Here goes...

Dear Anna and Katie,
Thank you for loving my girls and being such great examples to them. Thank you for accepting them so much that they feel connected to you so far as to want to be like you. I pray for you, and hope that when you have hard choices to make, you will remember that your choices go so much father than yourself and your family. They extend even to mine, and to the eyes and hearts of my daughters. I know this world is hard place and you are faced with great challenges. If you ever do fall or face temptation, please come home to Christ. That is the example that I hope you leave for my girls. You are loved by two little girls and their mom.

More Girly Quotes...

2009-05-02T20:54:00.001-07:00

"I am 99 cents. You can buy me." Noelle

"Mommy, I dreamed I was me, and I was a really big girl, and I was driving the van." Noelle

"Do you know what else I dreamed? I dreamed I was playing baseball with Joesph" Noelle, speaking of her first crush in pre-school.

"Do you know what YOU get??!? You KNOW what is going to happen.... You get, A Kiss!" Noelle

"But I want TRUE LOVES Kiss!" Jolie

"Are we going to create the gravy?" Jolie, on our way to decorate my fathers grave.

"Sharing a room with an adult is a fine idea..." Noelle

"Mommy, I have no idea what you are talking about." Noelle

And this is something I will never forget, because, I know it is a foreshadowing of things to come... Noelle was playing in the living room, which is really a very small room. Here is what she said..."Mommy, do you know what this is?" She pointed to the rug and traced it in the air with her fingers... "This is a very small stage... But do you know what I want Mama?... I want a VERY BIG STAGE!" She was not kidding.

"Mommy, I wish you were five..."

2009-04-30T05:27:00.000-07:00

I know I always post these little conversations that Noelle and I have. I hope you enjoy them, I sure do. I suspect I will always enjoy them, and when I look back in life the thing I will miss most about her childhood is listening to her develop her own thoughts on this world. She is a clever and bright child, and WOW is she wrapped in a blanket of emotion. She and Jolie both process things that are totally unexpected and are both very verbal, so I get the pleasure of hearing what they think. So here is a little clip from our life.

Yesterday I was getting ready to leave, and of course, Noelle had to hang out with me in the bathroom as I got dressed. She, out of the blue, said "Mommy, I wish you were five." I was flattered, because she is five. So I said, "I used to be five Noelle. I used to be little like you." She said, "REALLY MOM! You used to be FIVE!?!?!" "Yes, Noelle. What would we do if I was five like you...?" And matter of factly she said, "Then we could play together... I could hold you and swing you in the blue towel, like you used to do to me when I was little" (I always think it is funny when kids refer to themselves as having been little.) "Could you swing me in the towel like that again Mom? " "Well, Noelle, I really can't swing you anymore, you are too big."

If you haven't seen Noelle in person in a while, you may not realize how tall she is. I am 5'2" and she is four feet tall. She has her fathers genes. I brought her over to the mirror and made her stand in front of me and look at herself. I rested my chin on her head and said, "Look at you Noelle, you only have this much to grow before you are as tall as me...You are going to be as tall as Grandmommy!" Of course, Noelle started to get upset... She is resistant to growing because upon first understanding this concept, became seriously terrified that she would never stop growing and eventually "crack out of the house". I immediately said, because I know she is scared of being a giant, "You will probably stop growing when you are close to being as tall as Grandmommy..." She said she didn't want to be that tall, of course. Then I told her how I always wished I could be a little bit taller and that I wished that I could grow as tall as Grandmommy. So I picked her up and carried her around at my height and showed her the room from my perspective. She thought it was fun, so I lifted her up and showed her what it looked like from Gram's height. She thought it was great.

Here is the truly funny part... She then said, "Maybe you could grow as tall as me Mom. Maybe we could grow together." So I said, "Maybe I will grow Noelle. Or MAYBE I will grow little instead! Then I could be five!" She got so excited, and with no prompting, said, "Maybe you could grow so little that you could shrink small enough for me to carry you around in my hand!!!! And I would take you everywhere with me. That would be so funny!!!"

You may not know this about me, but I have always loved little miniature things. When I was a kid I tried to catch the Pillsbury Dough boy because I was fascinated with how small and adorable he was. Whenever I love something I have always said that I wish I could shrink them and carry them around in my pocket. I have never said that around Noelle. I mostly forgot about it. Several years ago, I would say that I loved Chad so much I wished I could shrink him and carry him around in my pocket with me. My friend Stacey was amused by this, and for my birthday one year she made me a tiny little pocket sized Chad doll to carry in my pocket. It was cute.

I told Noelle about the little tiny Chad and she is so excited that we are going to dig it out of the memory trunk so she can have her little tiny father to carry around with her. Isn't that just so funny?!?!

"Hear a Mermaid" by Jolie (two years old)

2009-04-23T12:13:00.000-07:00

OK, I know it is sideways, but I just had to post Jolie's first original song... "Hear a Mermaid". She created while on video and now sings it all the time. She and Noelle were singing it in the bath yesterday. And, yes, those are bloomers on her head. She and Noelle were both wearing bloomers on their heads as swimming caps.... They were pretending to have a swimming race in the picture below. I thought it was clever.

I love these girls... Aren't they sweet... :)

"Hello, This is Noelle, How can I help you?"

2009-04-23T07:03:00.000-07:00

Noelle has been learning how to answer the phone. It has been a source of laughter for us... Here are a few funny quotes of note.

1- "Ok everybody, Be quiet, I need to call someone" Noelle

2- "Hello, this is Noelle... How can I help you?" Noelle as she answers the phone.

3- "I like to talk on the phone.... I need to talk on the phone all the time..." Noelle

4- Me... "Noelle, What is your favorite thing in the whole world Noelle?" Noelle, "Umm, talking on the phone, at home, all the time..."

5- Noelle, "MOMMY.... "I keep standing here looking at the phone, but it won't ring!"

6- Noelle, "Mommy, Can you call someone and tell them to call me on MY phone...?"

7- Once I heard Noelle tell someone this when I was in my room and she answered the phone... "No. I am sorry, my mom can not come to the phone. She is at the movies."

8- "Mommy, it's YOUR mom, again!"

I am thinking that Noelle will be so happy one day when she gets her own cell phone. We will definitely have to get a prepaid phone for her. However, I fear, Jolie is gaining much ground for the "MOST TALKATIVE" award in our home.
What is Chad going to do???

Independence...

2009-04-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

Jolie is increasing the fierceness of her independence. She has now poo-pooed in the potty on five occasions. Sometimes, even in a "big" potty. She wants to wash her own hair, put on her own lotion, pick out her own clothes, brush her own teeth and hair, wear high heels, etc., etc... She is basically a self contained child. I am in no hurry for her to do anything nor do I expect her to... because Noelle, well, Noelle has always had to be pushed and coerced. She would really rather you do everything for her. Everything new causes her anxiety. I can't blame her... But it is so different, I just never stop being surprised at what Jolie WANTS to do... and what Noelle doesn't. I am not being a comparative Mom, these are just the facts of our house... I have two different children, being raised in the same home, by the same parents. I am positive that when they grow up, they will have two totally different sets of lists of the things we did wrong in parenting them. My list will be longer than Chad's of course.

Noelle's future aspirations....

2009-04-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

This is a little video of little Noelle expressing her desires for her future. She wants to be a counselor and a cook, like her mom. How sweet.

Funny Quotes.... From the Girls

2009-04-07T07:09:00.000-07:00

Noelle... "Mommy, I need to check out your blog." 4-3-09

Jolie..."Can I watch 'friend in me' and sing in my 'friend in me' microphone" which all means Toy Story... 4-5-09

Noelle..."Mommy, could you please help me put up all my clothes and help me make my bed so I can have a clean room?" 4-3-09

Noelle... speaking to me "Mommy, I think you are the most beuatuflist Mommy in the whole world, and I love you being my mom." 4-4-09

Jolie..."Mommy, I needa hold ju" and as she rubs my nose with her nose "Snuggle, Snuggle, Snuggle!" everyday!!!

Noelle..."Mommy, what do teenagers do???" 4-4-09
and a follow to that question, "Mommy, I need to be a teenager, because I need to talk to people." 4-5-09

Jolie... "LOOK! MOM! I a beautufwl pwincess!" in her Cinderella dress 4-2-09

My American Girl

2009-03-25T00:13:00.000-07:00

This is Noelle when she was four. Her lisp has improved, sadly, it was just so cute. She is wearing this "hat" because she was pretending to defend our country. Even though she probably did not know what that meant, it is still noble. A true patriot, this four year old!

These Small Hours....

2009-03-23T21:25:00.001-07:00

The following is the post that inspired this blog. It is from my original blog Peace Of Life which you can find at www.peaceofjennifer.blogspot.com.

Friday, December 12, 2008

These Small Hours...
I am listening to my children play with each other. Noelle just came over to me and said. "Mom, I am being a good big sister right now. Sometimes I am mean to Jolie, and sometimes I am really nice. I am being nice right now." Jolie is pretending to be a little kitten and Noelle is taking care of the 'itty bitty kitty'. That is the name of the little kitten at their Nana's house. Sometimes I get so mad at myself because I let these moments slip by. I forget to stop and look at them, to memorize them. In my heart I know my girls are going to leave one day, but as a friend of mine has titled her blog, these are "long days and short years."

Why am I in such a hurry? What is it that I am running toward? I don't want to regret a moment. The other day I was thinking about this very same thing and so I caught myself just staring at Noelle. She looks so much like me that I have memories of myself at her age, and sometimes I really feel like I am looking at myself. It makes me sad. So, I just watched Noelle, as she talked to her little piggy. (Piggy has been around since she was 16 days old. He is a member of the family. I will cry just as hard as Noelle if we ever lose Piggy. ) Anyway, I was just staring at her. I was looking at the curves of her face. The little way her eyes twinkle when she talks. Her sweet little half grin. The way her pretty brown hair falls in her face and dangles in a slight curl. The sound of her voice and her teeny tiny little lisp. And then... I burst into tears. She is so funny because she saw me and told me to stop crying. She said "Mommy, don't you remember that I told you that adults don't cry?!?!" This was in reference to another time she caught me crying while I was watching a sad and triumphant episode of "Little House on the Prairie". She said in exactly these words..."MOMMY, STOP CRYING! Adults don't cry mom! They are happy and they turn on the Christmas tree, and clean, and turn on the fire, and feed us food, and cook. Stop CRYING!" So of course I laughed at her both times. She is a card. I want to hear her little voice in my head forever. I want to remember everything. But I can't. I won't. And it makes me sad.
I love these small hours. I want to catch them like fireflies, put them in a jar, and watch them glow. "Our lives are made of these small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate. Time falls away, but these small hours still remain..." Thank you Rob Thomas. I couldn't have expressed it any better. Bye, for this little moment. It's time to snuggle with Jolie-bear.